Even after a couple of days at Myrtle Beach having fun with my friends, I still came home all antsy and distant. I am internally struggling with my future because I like what I am doing now but at the same time I'm not really satisfied with it. I have so many things that I can imagine myself doing, but I can't see myself doing them. Its kind of like a sign at a fork in the road, where they all point in different directions and you don't know where you are going. but you have to choose one or you'll be at that fork in the road forever. I feel like I'm stuck there. And my art isn't helping either. I brought a sketchbook but all I did was one picture and I didn't finish it. I wanted to draw but I really didn't want to see what the outcome would be. (these are all minor cause I really did have fun at Myrtle Beach). plus I had something I had wanted to do in Myrtle Beach but I'm glad I didn't because I couldn't find the time to do so by myself. I was going to do it now but I am urging against it at the moment. >> tis a secret.
    On a sad note, I came back from Myrtle Beach to find my one anole, Cocoa, dead T-T. My brother either didnt notice or something since he was taking care of all my reptiles, but I spoke to him about it and he is going to buy me another one.
    On an awesome note, when I came back from Myrtle Beach I got a $5 card from my Best Buy rewards zone card. and woohoo! today, i got another one! now I will be able to get $10 off the dvd box set I want coming out on the 25th!!! go me, maybe I shall be surprised again.  That would be awesome.

    well, imma go now. I had more to write but I am going to Sam's Club (or something) with my parents. so i will continue later.

Today was pretty blah,with some art work I finished, taking a shower, and tidying my living room (which was me slowly sweeping stuff up, lol). I was also listening to the Little Mermaid Broadway Soundtrack and it makes me so much more excited to see it, although I did see Ariel's costume for the play and it looks a little silly (they just put shiny cloth to "pretend" like her legs weren't there and gave her a long fin coming out of of her butt like a weird tail). But I recommend the soundtrack to any Little Mermaid or disney lovers, it's well done.
And this in turn makes me excited for my friend because she is going to have a puppy month!! Her aunt's dog, Duchess, is going to have puppies and she is getting the 101 Dalmations on DVD! I can't wait to see either because I wont be getting the dvd until the end of the month or in April. and puppies?! well, what kind of a retard doesn't get excited for puppies!!? So march is a good month-puppies, vacation- it's all so fantastical.
In April I also hope to obtain my drivers license ( i failed the first time, no biggie...i just try again ^_^''' ) and hopefully get closer to obtaining more of a drive to leave my home and find a new one. Although we(my friends and I) are stalling now for a hopeful apartment.

In recent times ( 2 or three days), I have been struggling with what my style is and what I really like to draw. I've come to realize that the last two years (more than others) my art has been really influenced by anime. I mean I like anime and all, but I use to not start out drawing using the simple form of anime. I was looking at all my sketch books that have been cluttered in random areas around my room and saw how I used to draw, what everything came from and how I wanted to evolve. Every artist has a style, and I need to find mine before I get stuck in this continuing circle of "kawaii" eyes and typical modern fan art style. And I have to say after looking at all my sketchbooks, from 1999-2008 (woo! I've been in the business for a long time!), I noticed a lot of constants. And whats funny is the constants weren't little masterpieces, but doodles-doodles that are found all over the place in my sketchbook, like little smiles while most of my full-drawn pieces were stuff I "thought" was cool or that tickled certain fancy pants.
So my doodles made me happy, it was inspirational and touching to see them and how they really influenced me more in my decision to become an illustrator for children's books. My wonderful little doodles consisted of horses, lizards, fruit bats, different sea animals, tigers, and some rainforesty-looking insects. So after seeing these I realized that I really love to draw animals, especially exotic looking creatures. It made me recall that throughout my senior year I was drawing a full 12-piece concentration of unicorns, but the piece I was most proud of was a wolf I did in quasche on my art sketchbook process. With this long explanation stated, I want to illustrate little animal stories that relate to common morals normally found in children stories but also tie in the moral obligation with we have to the earth and trying to stop global warming. Makes me all warm and mushy inside thinking about it. I have such wonderful stories buzzing around my head. ^_^

woo! I wrote a lot, I'd say that's a pretty good journal and that I should probably stop or I'll continue to get all life on ya'. which reminds me, who am I always referring to when I say "you"? Hmm, tis a mystery.

woohoo, boredom rocks.

so yea, i was fiddling with my msn space yesturday because I was bored and had nothing to do (no hw or anything). Today I had some homework so I kept myself busy by drawing shizzles in the early part of the day. And now it's 7:34pm and I had nothing else to do. Unless listening to my cats eat is something to do. It is but it's not satisfying 'cause it just makes me hungry...really hungry, maybe I shall too nibble upon something. Or just sip my snapple some more and continue to linger across the internet. I am iming a friend now but she is non-responsive...T-T makes me sad cause she is all doing something and I am not.

maybe i shall post here for a few days ( i saw a few cause i never keep these things going), and maybe talk about artsy shit and such, like how charcoal is evil and where the hell is my eye creme?! -_- they itch, its like i have natural red eyeshadow, except it burning red flesh that is vexing my eyesight right now. pisses me off.

but i should probably go since i have art commissions to work on and i can not think of anything else to write.